This picture was taken a few years back at my friend church in Rio Brazil. I love this picture, not only does it capture the hunger of the Brazilian people, but it re-ignites something in me that can be easily lay dormant if I am not careful to cultivate it.

I was reluctantly called into ministry at a missions conference called Urbana. I still remember the moment, it was the night Ravi Zacharias was speaking, my girlfriend (soon-to-be wife) and I left the dorms where we were staying one hour earlier because we wanted good seats. We were tired of being the seated in the last row of that big arena. He spoke about God, his reality, his sovereignty, and His love for the nations of the world. I was undone, I was crying, yelling, praying, crying, and surrendering. Surrendering because it was clear to me at that moment that my dreams of being a high power lawyer was to die. I saw myself being laid on the altar, and God the father asking me if I could lay down my dreams for His. Let’s just say His crystal clear voice is irresistable. I laid it down, all of it, the car, the house, the money, the fame, all of it. On the way back, I proclaimed to my girlfriend that I am going to go into ministry. I didn’t know what that meant, but I assumed it was to be a full time pastor of some kind. Whatever, I was hooked on God, and the rest is history.

Twenty four years later, after helping plant a church in Pasadena California, and planting a church in Vancouver Canada. I resigned my post as the senior pastor of the beloved church my wife and I had called home for almost 18 years. I won’t go into all the details of why, but we are at complete peace that this is the right decision. No church is built on one man or woman, God is the founder, architect, and the leader of His church. The church we founded was His idea, and so we surrender to His will that another leader should take my place. If we did our jobs right, the church should not only survive but thrive beyond us.

Some people wondered if we were so burnt out that we no longer want to do ministry of any kind. I think they are wondering if I am going to be a pastor again. Doing ministry and living out God’s call to proclaim His name throughout the earth is two different things. Ministry in the church context has it’s ups and downs.

The Good:

1. Community. We have a ready made community. In a world where people are looking for connection, church is a great place to find friends, especially those who think and believe as you do. To do the works of God together is a privilege, and fun! I have fond memories of all the mission trips we had as a church: China, North Korea, Africa, and Brazil. Not to mention all the fun conferences we went on. It didn’t hurt that the conferences were held in sunny California.
2. Home crowd. On most occasions, preaching at church was comfortable and easy. They loved you, and wanted to hear from you (on most occasions lol). You can experiment on sermon series, before you take it to unfamiliar ground. They give you a pass if you had a hard week and your sermon was less than stellar. It was playing to the home crowd, and everyone wants to play at home.
3. Steady income. Yes in the beginning of ministry the pay was low, very very low. However, as the church grew and they realized that they needed to support their pastors, we grew comfortable in our lifestyle. Though we weren’t rich, we were comfortable, and that’s what any full time pastor wants. Especially if you are trying to raise two kids in one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in. So I am very thankful.
4. People. There is nothing like doing life together that affords you the opportunity to see God’s transformation in the lives of individuals. All those years of pouring into the lives of people, all the hours of preparation for sermons, the gallons of coffee we drank while counselling and discipling others, and opening our house for meetings upon meetings. It was all worth it when we would see transformation that can only happen when God intervened. It was truly an honor to be a part of that, and contribute in some way.

The Not-So-Good:

1. Comfort of community. Although it’s amazing to have close friends at church, most of them are believers. Throughout the years, it became harder and harder for us to connect with anyone who wasn’t a christian. Yup, we were living in a christian bubble, and my passion to proclaim Him who had changed my life radically was waning. I just got busy with church stuff, busy with meetings, preparations for sermons, etc.
2. Comfort of familiar. I loved being home, but I also know that I was called to the nations of the world. We all are! Even though I still travel on occasion, the preference would always be to be home. Preach at home, stay at home, eat at home, sleep at home, teach at home, counsel at home, you get the meaning. I just wanted to stay put! Comfort can be the enemy of faith because faith is action, it is the force that overcomes the force of friction we call comfort. Comfort makes us dull to hearing his call to action, his call to do something radical, to live for Him and His Kingdom alone. Even though I loved being home at church and in the city. I know I must go, because that is the mandate for us all, GO AND MAKE disciples of all NATIONS.
3. Money. I remember when Sonya and I had no money. No home, no car, no food (at times). And it was great, because we had no burdens of a mortgage, car payments, and bills. We just lived on what we had, and it was great. I didn’t think about money as much as I do now, even though I have way more money than when I was a poor student in California. I realized that all that I have may be weighing me down with worry, fear of losing what isn’t mine in the first place. Though getting paid by the church was a privilege, it did cause a subtle dependence on money that grew over time, where it now has the potential to consume me. I say consume because now that I don’t have a job, fear of losing things I once enjoyed is bubbling up the surface like rushing waters. It needs to be exposed so that I can get back to the root of the root, that being Christ who loves and takes care of us like the lilies and the birds. Faith is trusting, and I need more faith.
4. People. I love people, and people are the passion of God’s heart. I know this in my head, but if I am being honest I am having a hard time stirring up that same passion I had years back. My patience has depleted like a video game where the power bar is in need of a reboost. All the years of working with sheep has left us with some bite marks. We need time to heal, and regain that passion for people. Moses lost his privilege to enter the promise land because he got mad at people. He was so consumed with getting to a destination that he forgot that his destiny is always wrapped up in loving people. Loving God and loving people, that’s the simple gospel, that’s the ten commandments wrapped up in two simple truths. I need some time away to boost up, to be reminded of the calling to which he has called me.

That’s why I love this picture, it is reminder of my call to the nations, to share the truth of God’s father heart, and activate people into their future in Him. I always say that when I am in Africa or Brazil, I feel alive. Alive because the ministry to the people there is pure, no other motive other than to share God’s love and truth. I usually pay my own way, or people donate money. I get no offering of money, just gratitude that is abundantly displayed in their faces. That’s why I love this picture, the woman I am praying for, her face says it all, she just wants an encounter with God, pure and simple. Nothing to complicate matters.

So if you are asking if I have lost my callilng. My answer is simple, no, not in the least. I just need to let go of something to enter something else. I have to leave one room to enter a another room. This time, I’ll know better to not fall into the trap of comfort that can bring a dullness to hearing Him clearly. More than ever, I hear clearly, Go and Make disciples of nations. What that looks like is up to Him, and I am surrendered to the process, step by step He leads me and I will ever praise Him.