I saved his life.

Water has always been a symbol of chaos in the ancient times, sea monsters laid beneath and would stir up storms for those who would dare to venture out into the open ocean. We all love the ocean, but to not respect it is usually to your peril. Surfers attempting to ride giant waves and risking their lives is courageous but also crazy; man’s ultimate attempt to tame something that seems untamable, and the resulting euphoria of invincibility can be highly addictive.

We were in Acapulco, a day excursion while on a cruise through the Mexican Riviera. It was a long awaited extended family vacation. We got offthe ship, got a hold of a reasonably “safe” looking older Mexican gentleman and hired him to take us around for the day.

Acapulco is no longer a stop in much of the cruise lines, that speaks volumes. We were taken to a hotel beach of some kind, it seemed nice enough, but one thing I noticed right away was that there were no lifeguards. Adding to the potential hazard was a recognition of wave patterns that signaled a “riptide” not too far from the shore. I immediately told my children who were still very young to stay close to the shore. It was a sweltering day, hotter than I could ever imagine, it was humid and sticky and I needed a dip in the ocean, deep into the colder waters away from the shoreline. Possibly due to heat stroke I had a mental lapse, I ran into the ocean and dove into the deeper parts of the ocean; I forgot about my own advice to my kids and suddenly, I was caught in the riptide! I started swimming frantically parallel to the shore because I knew that to swim straight towards the shore would be to my peril. One can eventually drown from sheer exhaustion. I used to live in California and I had friends who warned me about such calamity so I was prepared. I swam sideways, and slowly but surely i aligned my angle in such a way that I would overcome the “imaginary” line that that marked the riptide. As I was swimming to save my life, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw an old Asian man with his sunglasses twisted around his face like someone had punched him, calling out my name. Apparently, he didn’t know about the whole swimming sideways to save your life thing. He was whispering but I could tell he was trying to muster all his strength to yell, “Steve help me!” It was my father-in-law, he was drowning, he got caught in the riptide and I didn’t know how long he was out there. To be honest, I was horrified and angry at the same time. Horrified because he looked helpless and was about to drown, he was 75 years old! Angry because I was on my way to saving myself and I too was exhausted, but I knew I would make it to shore. And now I was in a dilemma because if I stopped to try and save him, there was a good chance that we both might drown. We could not touch the bottom with our feet, I was treading water and I didn’t know how long I could keep that up. I weigh close to 220 pounds and that’s a lot of weight keep afloat. I was sinking and sinking fast. But the greater urgency was my father-in-law, he had no time left, his head was going underwater and he was on his way to drowning. In all honesty, fleeting split second thoughts were running through my head. I thought about my family, about my kids growing up without a father. The thought did cross my mind, “I should just save myself, he lived a long life and mine was just beginning. I can’t save him anyways!” But on the other hand, I thought about my wife who would be wondering what happened to her father, mourning over his death, and asking me if I saw him out there in the ocean. To save myself would mean that I would have to lie to her for the rest of my life and live with that lie or tell her that I let her father drown and I didn’t attempt to save him because I was trying to save my own life. What a dilemma! I had seconds to decide and of course I decided to save him, that’s the right thing to do!

I told my father-in-law to bend his feet like a frog and put his feet on both of my hands. As I treaded water, I tried to shoulder press him onto the other side of the break line so he would be able to stand up and walk back to shore. Our first attempt was a miserable failure, he had no energy to even bend his legs, he was fading fast. I yelled at the top of my lungs, “put your feet on my hands now!” I was treading water frantically, I started to sink under water but I could feel his feet on my hands, and so with all my strength, I shoulder pressed him out of the water while treading water! I still don’t know how I did it, I work out with weights but that was truly superhuman. I saw that he crossed the threshold and he was safe and I could see him kneeling and crawling back to shore. So then I started to swim parallel to the shore as I was doing before this whole fiasco, and I too eventually made it back. I landed on the beach and I collapsed with exhaustion. My brother-in-law came and asked me what was wrong but I couldn’t speak because I was that exhausted. No one had any idea what just happened, but I saved my father-in-law’s life and I was relieved.

Do the Right Thing!

Leaders do the right thing no matter the cost! They see wrong and they right it, they see injustice and they stop it, they see a need and try to meet it. They are people of action in a world of inaction, they stand in the gap, they even get hung on a cross because they stood up for what is right. That’s what leadership is, otherwise you are just a follower with a leadership title. This is inauthentic and people can smell the aroma of a cowardice a mile away. Such leaders are deemed unworthy of following.

Desensitized to Inaction.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, who is famous for creating Sherlock Holmes wrote a series of short stories, and one such famous short story was called the “Silver Blaze”. It is about the murder of a racehorse trainer and the subsequent theft of the prize thoroughbred before a big race the next day. Sherlock Holmes figured out who the murderer was in part because of what did not happen in the night of the crime. The dog who was watching over the grounds did not bark! So, he deduced that it was someone who was known to the dog that allowed the perpetrator to commit this crime in the absence of the bark. What we don’t do is often a better reflection of our values and motivations than what we do. The dog was familiar with the robber! I wonder if we are too familiar with the wrong things that we don’t bark. Familiarity with cowardice breeds desensitization to wrongs and silences our courage.

To not do something when something is wrong is wrong, full stop. To not say something when there is injustice is not a virtue. I love what the late senator Ted Kennedy said about his brother Robert Kennedy at his funeral after his assassination:

“My brother need not be idealized or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life, to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it. Those of us who loved him and who take him to his rest today, pray that what he was to us and what he wished for others will someday come to pass for all the world. As he said many times, in many parts of this nation, to those he touched and who sought to touch him:

Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not.”

Robert Kennedy stood up to the mafia, spoke for the disenfranchised, he bravely went into the African American community during the riots after Martin Luther King was assassinated. He was a white man who tried to heal the breach, to give hope to a people who were disintegrating in pain built over generations of slavery, bigotry and violent oppression. He did what was right, he did not think too much about the consequences of his actions. Many people believe that he may have died because of those actions, namely standing up for the disenfranchised and standing against the corrupt powers that refused to be displaced. Being brave, doing the right things even if one is afraid is courage! That’s what leaders do!

Fight until it’s who you are.

ELEAZAR is another warrior exalted as being one of David’s mighty men. He fought the enemy many times, too numerous to count, until his sword became glued to his arm. The point is clear, he fought until fighting was who he was, the sword became part of him. Doing the right things, defending his people, fighting for what’s right, defending the helpless, speaking up in the face of injustice, confronting the oppressor was no longer what Eleazar chose, but who he became. He epitomized courageous leadership, he did what was right even if no one followed. Courage begets courage, courage inspires, and leaders impart courage in others. People want to be inspired, that’s the domain of brave leaders. 1

You have to become a person that no longer thinks about what to do, you just are, you just do, bravery is in your DNA. That only happens through a lifetime of doing the right thing, however small. I remember when my five year old took some skittles candy from the local blockbuster. While we were driving back home, I caught him eating the candy from the rearview mirror. I asked him where he got that and he innocently told me it was from the store. I knew he didn’t have any money and I had no recollection of paying for it, so he “stole” that candy. I immediately turned the car around and we headed back to the store. I told my son that taking something without paying for it is wrong and that we had to return it, and that he had to confess to it because it was him that stole it. He was scared, but this was a teaching moment, I was instilling in him bravery, he had to do the right thing. I couldn’t imagine what was going through his five year old mind. He looked scared and unsure, but he did it anyway. The store manager was gracious as I suspected he would be, and he even gave my son a coupon for free movie because he was impressed by the integrity and bravery of my son. This worked out well for everyone involved, but not all brave actions have the same happy ending. But if we can’t show courage in the smallest things, we can’t show courage when we have to do something that may cost us something. Life long commitment to courage creates the Eleazar effect, and as such our courage is no longer something we think about but it is who we are, it becomes second nature. Of course we have to do the right thing, is there another choice?

So that means that whenever you see a wrong you right it, when you see oppression you try to bring freedom, when you see pain you try to heal it, you can’t be a bystander and be a leader. Managers manage the status quo, and yes we need managers to maintain systems and organizations. But leaders lead, they confront what is and envision what it should be. Whatever it is, they lead, they confront, they speak, they act. One can’t be a leader without courage. Get used to it, don’t shy away from it, speak up, take action, and do what’s right. It may cost you but that’s the price of courage. Taming this fear is a lifelong pursuit of a leader who is in pursuit of a better world.